The Bite of the Bard
by Felice09
Summary: Louis and Lestat become embroiled in a shakespeare quote off with the rest of the coven. Tensions fray, Armand pawns David Talbot, Lestat buys sniffer dogs, Marius gets some lovin'. All part of a regular day on Night Island!


**This little fic is chronologically speaking after the blue paint fiasco and before Santino's arrival. Inspired to bring a little Shakespeare cheer into all of your Christmasses. Enjoy and review!**

The living room of night island was always occupied it seemed to Louis. Whether it was Armand on his laptop, or Marius with his newspapers, or Daniel with his music players, or David with his biographies, or Lestat with his singstar. There was always someone with something to do. Louis often wondered why he didn't just find an unoccupied room in the manor to read in. He tried that once, going up to the loft above the top floor. He had a few peaceful hours before Lestat had brought the entire coven as search party to find the missing vampire. He had searchlights on order, and bought a team of sniffer dogs that Louis promptly sent back. It had been an eventful evening which had placed on Louis a restriction on places in which he could read. Only in obvious places where he could be accessible to everyone, was the rule, as Louis could zone out while reading and for days he would not move, not speak, nor eat or interact in any way whatsoever with the people around him if he was left alone to read.

Which is why Louis found himself in the living room night after night. And tonight he found himself rather distracted from his books by a certain blonde haired vampire.

"Louis," Lestat began speaking again, almost into thin air, as there was no certainly that Louis was listening to him. "You know what's sad?"

Louis turned the page of his book, studious only in his attempt to block out Lestat's ramblings.

"What's sad is the utter lack of things to do of an evening while you are wedged between the pages of your books!"

Louis sighed. They have had this argument many times before; it seemed to begin every time Louis brought home a new book.

"You may go where you like, 'Stat." Louis replied. "There is nothing stopping you, and there are a great number of things to do, so there is no use pulling that line on me."

"Oh, it's not a line Louis. Would I be bored out of my brain now if there were other things that were worth doing?"

Louis looked up from his book in an entirely exasperated fashion.

"Of course there are other things worth doing! Marius and Armand, they are always out, every night doing things around the island."

"Ew," Lestat pulled a face. "And don't lump me together with that imp. If I don't want to do things with him, then I don't have to. What, will you have me picnicking with him? Sitting between him and Marius in a movie, being the third wheel, while they hold hands over the top of my popcorn?"

"You don't eat popcorn."

"I like how it smells."

"Urgh," Louis rolled his eyes. How he longed for this conversation to be over so he could settle back into his book. "Look, I'm not saying that you have to go out with them. Just that, to make a point, that there are a lot of things to do here. Of a night there are more activities available here than anywhere else! You don't have to pace and wind yourself into an agonizing trap of boredom. You are just being a drama queen if you do that."

"Drama prince." Lestat corrected.

"What I'm saying is that there are other things you could be doing while I'm reading. Like not annoying me."

Lestat looked at the now agitated Creole vampire. He knelt down by the cushy chair and placed his hand on Louis's arm with a great gesture of warmth and tenderness.

"Chere. Chere, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be annoying. Sometimes I just can't help it."

Louis scoffed, mildly unimpressed with the blonde vampire's apology.

"No, that came out wrong. What I'm trying to say, I guess, is that... oh, I don't know. When you read, I can't talk to you and that makes me sad. I could do other things, but they would bore me as much as sitting here doing nothing would because I couldn't share them with you. I don't mind what we do really, as long as we do it together."

Louis's gaze softened. "Is that so?"

Lestat nodded. "Anything. What do you want to do right now?"

Louis looked sheepishly between his lover and his book. "Well, I really just wanted to read this book."

Lestat smiled brightly at his lover. "Could we read it together?"

Louis looked surprised. "Well, if you like."

"What is it you are reading? Oh, can I do the voices? 'Please sir, can I have some more?'" Lestat mimicked the voice of a meek young boy, switching to the gruff yet shrill male voice in an exaggerated, likely French taught English accent. "More? More! You want some more, boy?!"

"Stop it," Louis laughed and playfully hit Lestat on the shoulder. "It's not Dickens anyway. It's Shakespeare."

"Oh, the bard?"

"Yes, the bard. Keep up 'Stat."

Lestat comically wore an expression of mock horror, as he scrabbled to take the book from his fledgling's hands. The ensuing slap fight for possession of the book was brief but ferocious. Punctuated with Louis's cries of "No, no" and "Let go of it, put it down!" were met with Lestat's whinging notes of "Ohhh, let me see it" "I want to look" and "Just give it here, book hog!". Louis eventually won possession by standing up from his chair and waving his hands around, shouting "It's an antique! An antique!!"

"So what," Lestat grumbled. "So are we."

Louis sat back down with a huff and resumed his previous task of ignoring Lestat and reading his book.

"I can read Shakespeare without the book, you'll see." Lestat chided.

Louis sighed and shook his head, then with a game smile he looked up from his current book; Love's Labour's Lost and laughed.

"What? You don't think I've wit enough to match your Shakespeare quoting skills? I've read them all too."

"Lestat," Louis smiled obligingly, and then switched quickly to a deadpan serious face. "Your wit makes wise things foolish."

Lestat smiled, and peeked over the top of Louis' book. There at the top of the page was the line. He appreciated the relevance. Going one step further, Lestat stood back, tall, with his hands planted firmly on his hips in the trademark arrogant pose.

"Well, môn chere, better a witty fool than a foolish wit!"

"Ahhh, Twelfth Night! You do know them!"

Armand and Marius walked in through the living room at that moment.

"What is this?" Armand asked, peering out from underneath Marius's strong arm. "Oh, Shakespeare! We saw that production last week, didn't we Master. Louis, what are you reading now?"

Marius laughed indulgently, tucking Armand's small head to his chest and ruffling the boy's auburn hair.

"My curious child! Chide God for making you the countenance you are!"

Louis smiled.

"You too Marius? As you like it!"

Lestat rolled his eyes. "This is becoming somewhat of a Shakespeare quote Olympics. We were just on the topic of fools when you walked in Armand."

Armand rolled back his eyes to Lestat from under the tight nook of Marius's arm, tucked to his side in an affectionate half-hug.

"There's a man hath more hair than wit. Lestat, you should have your mouth filled up before you open it."

Marius and Louis smiled at the antagonistic turn of conversation between the immature vampires. Louis appraised Armand's words with a nod.

"Nice one Armand. That's two for you, The Comedy of Errors and Henry VIII."

Marius intervened in Lestat and Armand's dirty staring contest, turning Armand's childish face towards his and kissing him gently on the mouth.

He then smiled a wide smile. "I was searching for a fool when I found you."

Louis nodded to himself, recognising the As You like It reference.

"I did say I was a fool for you Master. Am still."

"I'd rather hear a dog bark at a crow than Armand swear he loves me." Lestat drawled side along to Louis.

"That's not even the proper line." Louis chided.

"I know, but it's the sentiment that counts. There really is no need for such ado about nothing."

"It's _Much_ Ado About Nothing!" Louis stressed, and slapped Lestat playfully on the arm.

"Do disregard what Lestat says, my sweet" Marius reassured his diminutive lover. "He has not so much brain as ear wax!"

Armand laughed, as did Louis, overhearing the Troilus and Cressida reference.

"His curses and blessings touch me alike," Armand replied. "They're breath I not believe in."

Daniel walked into the lounge room clapping sarcastically, a grin stretched across his unshaven face.

"Henry VIII! Nice one, boss."

"Have you caught up with us then Daniel?" Armand asked his fledgling from his post under his Master's arm.

"Only for a few." He replied with a smile.

"Too busy reading those crime novels?" Armand asked wryly.

"Hey, give me a break! I'm surrounded by Classics here!"

Daniel lithely slipped around Marius and planted a kiss on both the ancient vampire's cheeks.

Louis smiled at the relevance of the motion to the line he read in his book. Lestat noticed his fledgling's amusement, and vocalised it from the text.

"Such is the simplicity of man to harken after the flesh."

Armand bit back, "Go to hell for an eternal moment or so**1**, Thou monstrous injurer of heaven and earth**2!"**

Lestat's amused expression dropped and darkened.

"That's not funny."

Armand smiled wider, his malicious grin projected from behind the cage of his master's now cautious arms. Whenever Lestat and Armand got to this topic, a touchy one for them both, the conversation could turn to blows.

With a wickedly taunting grin, Armand pushed. "Thou art unfit for any place but hell**3**!" He called out in a sing-song cheery voice.

"That's not funny." Lestat repeated. Louis reached for Lestat's arm.

"Why then, do I smile at it?" Armand asked, the malicious jovial atmosphere could easily break down from here with the levels of tension in the room. The pleasant night could soon end.

There was a long pause; Lestat looked blankly down at Louis' wary hand at his wrist. Slowly he looked back up at the assemblage, a smile creeping across his features.

"One may smile, and smile, and be a villain.**4**"

The silence broke after the moment of tension into a relieved cheering.

"Oooooooooohhh! He got you there Amadeo!" Marius cuddled his beaten fledgling.

"Nice one, 'Stat!" Louis clapped Lestat on the arm.

"Hamlet. I recognise that one! I know one, yay!" Daniel cheered for himself.

Armand pouted theatrically. He could let this one slide. A fight with Lestat was not the most productive way to spend the evening.

Lestat let his laughter build in the cheerful atmosphere, joining in on everyone's laughter. Pointing to a pouting Armand, held around the waist by the Roman Vampire, he dramatically cried out, "GET THEE TO A NUNNERY!!"

The room intensified with laughter, the reference to Armand's brothel days well known to all in the room, thanks to David. The old gossip mongerer.

Armand blushed a furious shade of red.

Lestat ran with his advantage and laughed again, gesturing to everyone the embarrassed boy child.

"Look, look, his treasons sit blushing in his face!"

"Hamlet and Richard II, very quick. Daniel, pay attention, you could be learning something." Louis praised, keeping up the cheerful vibe.

David walked into the lounge room, drawn by the commotion.

"In civility thou seem'st so empty!" Daniel gibed back.

"As you like it! Very good Daniel!" Louis praised.

"What is this?" David asked the group. "A Shakespeare quote-off?"

Armand turned on David, red faced and humiliated.

"David Talbot! Thou art a most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of not one good quality! And why can't you write your own stories, huh? Or are so boring you have to leech lifetimes from everyone else?"

"Ah, All's Well That End's Well, I take it. Now if you recall, I did write my own memoirs. They just aren't as popular as you were obviously."

Armand flushed once more, and leaped from his master's side, presumably to scratch Talbot's eyes out.

At once, the coven sprang into action. Daniel pushed Talbot to the floor, planting himself in front of his young maker, ready to hold him back at the expense of his own health and unscratched face. There was no need for his caution, however, as Louis, Lestat and Marius all played their part in holding back the furious little vampire. Lestat and Louis having thrown themselves on Armand's legs and torso in a sort of tackle, and Marius, having snatched his progeny's hands the moment he lunged for the British gent.

Armand angrily hissed at Talbot.

"Could I come near your beauty with my nails I'd set my ten commandments in your face!"

Talbot blinked with the naïveté of one unused to his words having dangerous consequences. Assessing the situation, he thought that with the coven on his side against the one small vampire he could slip in one more snide remark.

"Henry VI part II, very clever. Your little scratches do you no good though. For see my unscratched face, and your scratched behaviour. For when he is best, he is little worse than a man, and when he is worst he is little better than a beast. The Merchant of Venice." He smiled smugly. The irate Armand twisted and turned in the coven's embraces.

"You can quote Talbot, that much can be said for you. But it can also be said, that scratching could not make it worse, an t'were such a face as yours!"

Talbot made a face. He liked his new body. A vindictive squint lit his eyes. His next remark was set to be below par.

"That you are_ little_ better, makes clear your stature. But of course, your Shakespeare leaves much ado about nothing, when nothing wise can be said. I'd stick to the first quote, if I were you, Armand. After all, you are familiar with the Merchants of Venice, are you not?"

It was in the next few moments that David Talbot found himself on the floor with the tiny vampire gouging his glassy nails into the Indian face he possessed. The painful and puzzling irony of the attack was that Talbot thought himself perfectly safe with "the entire coven on his side". Marius, standing over the rather one sided fight, was quite bemused. With one arm across his chest and the other nestling his chin, he struggled to keep a straight face. Speaking loudly, so to be heard over Talbot's screams, Marius called.

"Oops! Sorry David, my arms must have slipped. But no matter, eh? Hmmm?"

He peered inquisitively into the bloody mess on the floor, a smile lighting his smooth ivory features. Lestat, Louis and Daniel looked on.

Louis winced as he heard bone breaking in David's face.

"Urgh, that's not pleasant."

Lestat patted Louis on the shoulder.

"There, there chere. He'll heal up when our resident churlish child is satisfied."

Daniel watched intently.

"Ow! That's gotta hurt! You think we should stop this?"

The trio stood watching for a moment longer, their heads inclined a fraction, pondering.

"Let's wait 'til Marius is contented as well." Lestat judged with a nod.

Marius looked up from the carnage upon hearing his name.

"What? Oh, no I'm fine. I was waiting 'til Amadeo was happy."

"Perhaps you should grab a chair Master," Armand called out between each pound he was pummelling the lamp into Talbot's face. "That may take some time."

David let out a low moan from what was left of his mouth.

Marius sighed. Must he always be the adult in such situations?

"Alright Amadeo. Enough is enough. Earth gapes, hell burns, fiends roar, saints pray, to have him suddenly conveyed away**5**. And we should probably leave too, while David still has a neck to attach his head to."

Armand looked over his shoulder at his blonde master. Whilst rubbing the remnants of David's face into the lounge room carpet, he replied.

"Must we master? I really don't feel that course of action is at all necessary."

Marius reached down and looped his arms around his fledgling's torso, pulling him gently off the twitching form of David Talbot.

"Mmmm, it is necessary my pet. We have other things we could be doing that are infinitely more productive, and besides, why bequeath such a task to the cleaning crew? Hmmm? We can leave it for tonight, and talk Shakespeare, alright?"

Armand leaned back into his Master's arms and nodded sleepily, moving away slowly from the scuffed spot on the floor where David's head was. Marius nodded to both Louis and Lestat, gathering Armand up in his arms.

_He gets so sleepy after a violent outburst… Well, goodnight my friends. _

_Goodnight Marius. _Louis replied.

_Hey, good luck with your other productive activities. _Lestat commented.

_Oh hush you. _

_Farewell friends, thus the entertaining part of the night ends, Adieu, Adieu, Adieu. _

_Why Lestat! What would Thisby say if she heard such perversions of her final speech?_

_She'd probably roll over and die, like she was already doing in the play. _

_Very well. Stay out of trouble tonight. _

_There are seven hours left._

_Well, spend them wisely. Goodnight all. _

Marius walked over to the side door that lead into the Master suite, Armand's hand swaying to the pace of his master's steps as it dangled sleepily off the cradle of Marius's arms. He always felt sleepy after a violent episode, experiencing somewhat of a swoon of his own when the high of the rage wore off. That was usually when Marius intervened, as the ancient vampire enjoyed the sensation of caring for Armand as if he were a sleepy human again.

Lestat and Louis watched them go, as slowly on the floor David's face regenerated.

Lestat clapped.

"So! That was eventful!"

"That's for sure. And I don't think David expected his one liner to be followed by an exit, pursued by a bear."

"Ha ha, HA HA HAHA!" Lestat laughed in a grandiose fashion.

"Ehr, her, erh…" Talbot sarcastically laughed from the corner of his reforming mouth.

"Oh, cheer up David!" Lestat said as he patted David on the back, knocking him back to the floor from which he had been removing himself from. "It wasn't a real bear; it was just a wee little Armand!"

Louis laughed. "A tiny little vampire. You had your ass handed to you by a tiny little vampire. To use the vernacular."

David groaned. "Shurrup," His and Louis' relationship, both as fledglings of Lestat was amiable but competitive at most.

Lestat put his hands on his knees and dropped to David's eye level.

"Aww, is now the winter of our discontent, David?"

Daniel, who had been gathering up broken pieces of furniture, dropped them all with a loud clatter and a sigh.

"Geez, more Shakespeare?! I've just about had enough for one century!"

Louis looked shocked.

"Daniel!" he exclaimed. "You can never have enough Shakespeare!"

"Oh, look," Daniel replied. "Louis has a sense of humour. Get back to your book already, Mr Pointe du Lac!"

"Oh, but Daniel!" Lestat whined. "He just put it down!"

Daniel smiled and rolled his eyes. He looked down to the broken furniture on the floor, kicked it with his foot and shrugged.

"It's not worth it." He said. "The cleaning crew can pick this up. What time is it?"

Louis looked to the clock on the wall. "About 11.30." He replied.

Daniel nodded. "Hey, I was going to see the new Sherlock Holmes movie that's on in about 10 minutes. Do you want to come with?"

Louis looked down to his trampled copy of Love's Labour's Lost, then up at Lestat.

"I don't know now. What should we –"

"You go on Daniel." Lestat told the blonde reporter, not looking away from his fledgling. "I believe that Louis and I have a date to read some Shakespeare."

Daniel shrugged and then leapt out the living room windows, down into the garden below.

Louis looked again at the ruined book.

"But we can't read -. I mean, look at it."

"Chere," Lestat smiled warmly. "This may spoil Christmas for you, so I'll just have to get you something else, but that's not the only copy of Shakespeare we have in the house. And it's certainly not the nicest."

"Well, it was before." Louis replied. He followed Lestat, who led him by the hand into the recently refurbished room dubbed "The Bleu Châteaux of the Brat Prince". Once there he opened the shoe closet and reached for a gold and green parcel in the back. He gave the parcel to Louis, who opened the wrapping delicately. Inside was the most intricate and beautifully bound set of books Louis had ever seen. The entire works of Shakespeare set in red leather with gold leaf and gold trim around the edge of each page.

"Oh Lestat, it's wonderful!"

"I think it's the nicest in the house."

"No," Louis replied as he kissed Lestat on the cheek. "You are the nicest in the house. I love it."

Lestat smiled and sat down on the poster bed, patting the place beside him.

"Do you want to read it now?"

Louis nodded and joined Lestat on the bed. And they read together right up till the morning.

Down in the garden, as Daniel was walking back from hunting after the cinema, he saw a large red puddle that led down to the security team's shed. Daniel knew most of the men who worked as guards at the manor and was on good terms with them. The vampires at the manor all knew not to touch the security guards, as they were providing a service to Armand, and besides that, they were innocents. Daniel felt a sense of dread as he approached the shed; the sticky red liquid's scent confirming Daniel's suspicions. He swung open the door of the shed and saw the pile of bodies.

Dun Dun DUUUUN!!

**References**

1 The Merry Wives of Windsor

2 King John

3 Richard III

4 Hamlet

5 Richard III


End file.
